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Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Shake (Carl’s Jr.) Review
Cookie dough and I have a love-hate relationship. Whenever my family would order Papa John’s, we would get some cookie dough to go along with it. My sister taught me that raw cookie dough with a spoon could be a tasty treat. It was love at first taste. Then, one day, I decided to dive into a tub of cookie dough my parents purchased from a fundraiser. Then I began vomiting uncontrollably. Shaken from trauma, I had to end my relationship with cookie dough.
…until today. For the sake of all PCDTSD (Post Cookie Dough Traumatic Stress Disorder) victims everywhere (and this review), I have rekindled my affair with cookie dough.
First things first. You can get this vanilla/cookie dough orgy for one dollar off. Totaling $2.09 for a hearty amount of whipped cream vanilla ice cream, chocolate chips, and cookie dough pebbles.
Carl’s Jr. always has some sort of limited edition shake/malt, and right now it’s the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Shake (say that five times fast). One is led to believe that such exclusivity would mean a uniquely tasty experience, but it seems that Carl’s Jr. has become a venue for the freakish designs of some mad scientist bent on traumatizing little children like the aforementioned youthful Kuro.
The first few sips were tasty, but as time went on, I began to wonder, “Where is the ACTUAL cookie dough?” Incredulous at the thought of a cookie dough shake with NO cookie dough chunks, I proceeded to ask the Carl’s Jr. employee for a spoon to excavate the thick mixture.
I dug around, after getting through the layer of whipped cream (which ended up being the highlight of the entire shake). Unfortunately, this shake does not contain ANY chunks of cookie dough. Disappointing.
It did taste like cookie dough, but it didn’t feel like cookie dough. One can easily tell that the shake is just whipped up syrup and cream. You heard me, SYRUP. Where is my former lover, damn it?
On the topic of what was actually IN the shake, there’s not much to cream yourself over. It’s 890 calories that could be easily spent on a flying cow instead (750 calories).
Half-way through I was done subjecting myself to such shaking mediocrity. I just couldn’t shake no mo.
So it’s settled. I’m over you, cookie dough. We’re done.
Details!
Pros: Whipped Cream. Dollar off.
Cons: Makes you feel sick. Reminds you of every time you’ve thrown up. Cookie dough is a lie. 890 calories of unworthiness. And it kinda looks like vomit, too.
Kurostation gives Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Shake from Carl’s Jr. a 1 out of 5.
Flying Cow (McDonald’s) Review
Have you ever tried to combine a cow and a chicken? I visited a farm and saw someone try and do that once. It was disgusting. But in the friendly embrace of your local McDonald’s Restaurant, you too can witness this glorious process of nature!
Two dollar menu items. The zesty flavor McChicken Sandwich, and the classically palatable McDouble, rolled into one abominable bovine poultry creation.
Inexpensive, yet curiously satisfying, the Flying Cow (as it has been dubbed) is easy to make.
I’ll demonstrate, sporting a spiffy lab coat!
Lo! There it is. Easy enough, right? If you can’t do it, just ask the cashier to do it for you.
Kidding! Instead, they’ll glare at you, as if you were mocking their monotonous living of greasy receipts, sentenced to chronicle the creeping deaths of hundreds of overweight Americans.
And punk kids who ask for water cups, but get soda instead. Rats!
But I digress! The flying cow a fantastic sandwich, and the texture is especially terrific. It really tastes like one sandwich, rather than two sandwiches hopelessly thrown together. Bring your own BBQ or Sweet and Sour sauce for extra credit!
Let’s hope McDonald’s never catches on to how delicious this concoction is, lest they incorporate it as an actual item and slap on a morbid price.
All in all, the flying cow is an inexpensive gem from an otherwise overpriced, out done experience. The flying cow passed with flying colors. Or cowlors. Har har!
Details!
Pros: Tastiest crime against nature you’ll ever make yourself! Creative. Cheap!
Cons: Rabid girls will find your breath so irresistible after you’re done with your first Flying Cow, that you probably won’t make it home. Also, McTummyAche.
Kurostation gives the McDonald’s Flying Cow a 4/5.
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Nya! Welcome! You’ve stumbled upon Kurostation, your source for quality reviews! We’re devoted to telling you what products rock, which ones suck, and which ones fall in between!
I’m Kuro. I AM A BLACK CAT. I’m the head honcho of the crew. I’ll be writing up reviews, and letting you know what’s going on with the site.
Until next time,
NYA! Later.
